How To Hookup Online

Casual Dating 101

By: R. Wilkins

Casual dating is heaven. You get to go have fun dates, share a bed with a hot girl whenever you want, but are still free to flirt with other ladies. However, if you don’t keep with the rules of casual dating, this lifestyle may end poorly for you. Like, women crying at your door step, or worse yet, finding yourself all clingy asking her friends who else she’s been seeing.

What Is Casual Dating?

There are a lot of different terms which are often used interchangeably with casual dating, like open relationship, fuck buddy, booty call, friends with benefits…

Casual dating is a bit different than all these other types of relationships. Similar to fuck buddies or booty calls, the relationship is mostly based on sex, but it usually isn’t only about sex like a pickup is. Unlike with your favorite booty call you will probably actually go out with the girl you are casually dating, for example meeting out for drinks. Casual dating doesn’t have the commitment or closeness associated with an open relationship or even a friend with benefits. There are a lot of different ways people define casual dating, but it all essentially boils down to: you are keeping your options open.

Contrary to the social stigmas associated, casual dating doesn’t necessarily have to be trashy. Casual dating is about meeting new types of people so you can find out what types of people you are attracted to. It’s your chance to learn how to communicate with members of the opposite sex, learn valuable skills like compromise, and get better in the bedroom. All character traits you and your future significant other will benefit from.

Casual dating is NOT the same as having an affair! Always find out if the person is married or in a serious relationship before you hook up and respond accordingly. Knowing this will keep you out of trouble.

Is Casual Dating a Thing You Can Handle?

You meet a hot girl who is chill, and the two of you can’t stop laughing together. She says that she isn’t ready for a relationship, doesn’t have time, or simply enjoys being single. You tell yourself that you are okay doing the casual dating thing, and might even believe it. Then you catch her out on a date with some other guy and you lose your shit with jealousy…

A lot of guys think that they can handle casual dating, only to find out that it is too emotional for them. Casual dating does NOT mean she doesn’t want a relationship. She just doesn’t want it with YOU. You are both enjoying each other until someone else better comes along. If you’re the type that won’t be able to manage and accept the reality of that, then get out before you get hurt.

Will She Be Able To Handle It?

Don’t be the guy that’s okay with hurting a girl’s feelings. Just like guys can be in denial about their ability and/or desire to be in a casual relationship, girls do it too. Be very clear from the beginning that you don’t want a relationship. Ideally, you tell her this before you sleep with her. Then, make sure you aren’t giving her the wrong idea by acting like a boyfriend. Also, be on the lookout for signs that she really wants a serious relationship: she talks about having kids, wants to discuss future plans, or pries into your personal life. These are not casual subjects. You’ll want to exit the situation before she gets too attached.

Set a Few Ground Rules

Casual dating doesn’t have the same well-defined rules as an exclusive relationship, but doesn’t mean there aren’t any rules. After a couple of dates, sit down to have an open discussion about what you want and expect to happen. Things you might want to agree on are:

• Is it okay to go out in public places?

• Should the relationship be kept secret from everyone or is it okay if some people know (especially if you have common friends)?

• If one of you starts dating someone seriously, will you two continue having sex or will you cut things off?

• How often do you want to see each other (good question for setting each other’s expectations)?

Do NOT Ask Questions

When you are in a relationship with someone, it‘s natural to ask questions like what she did all day, where she went out, and so forth. With casual dating, all these personal questions are off limits. You must follow this rule, otherwise you are setting yourself up to get hurt or embarrassed.

Example: You ask her what she did last night. Either she avoids the question and makes you feel awkward for asking. Or she tells you that she went out and had some drinks with a “friend.” Then your night is ruined because you keep imagining her with another guy.

So don’t ask her:

• How many people she is seeing

• Where she was last night

• Why she didn’t return your calls

• To add you on Facebook

Be Discreet About It

Casual dating is different for everyone, but casual dating usually does involve some degree of actual “dating” – meaning you two go out somewhere together. This is actually what makes casual relationships so much more fun than your typical booty call. It’s the courting ritual, the foreplay before the foreplay. There’s fun to be had warming each other up and building up the tension.

But make sure you’ve set the ground rules about your dates. Are you okay going out to places where you could bump into people you might know? How should you act if you run into her friends? Is it okay to hold hands on a date? What about kissing in public? And, in this era of social media, agree that you won’t post photos of your dates online!

Follow the Rules of Safe Sex

This should be obvious, but it’s YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO BE REALLY CAREFUL when having casual sex. Chances are she is sleeping with other people too. And those people are also sleeping with other people, and so on. There are 20 million new cases of STDs every year. Always wear a condom.

Additionally, have the safe-sex discussion with her too. Ask her when the last time she was tested, and whether she always uses protection with partners. While you are at it, it’s probably time for you to get tested again! If the idea of getting a girl pregnant freaks you out, then you’ll also want to ask her what she would do if she got pregnant and whether she is using birth control as a backup in case a condom breaks.

Do Not Meet Her Family or Friends

If she suggests that you go out with her friends or meet her family, it is a sign that she probably wants something more. Don’t agree, otherwise, you risk sending a mixed message that you also want a closer relationship. If the two of you were friends before you started sleeping with each other, then it is still okay to go out as friends, but be discreet about it and don’t have any noticeable PDAs.

Be Courteous and Considerate

Just because you are only dating casually, it doesn’t give you free reign to be a douche. If she spends the night, don’t kick her out first thing in the morning, be a good host and make her coffee and breakfast. It’s okay to cuddle after sex and say sweet things. Even if it was just a booty call, you should still always follow up with the girl the next day. But don’t go overboard with text messages. Sending naughty messages is a lot of fun and does add some spice to your casual relationship but don’t overdo it. You run the risk of annoying her or interrupting her daily life. Avoid sending texts during nighttime hours. You never know if she will be out on a date with someone else, and it could really screw things up for her. It’s just the considerate thing to do.

Become a Better Lay

This is a fun rule and I think applies regardless of the subject. Take advantage of being in a casual relationship to become a better lover. Ask her what she likes, share fantasies you’ve had, and try new things. In my experience, girls who are open to casual dating are also pretty open sexually, so you shouldn’t feel shy about asking specific questions or making requests.

Have Fun! But Get Out When It Stops Being Fun

Casual relationships are supposed to be about having fun until the right person comes along. Unfortunately too often, casual relationships turn into boring relationships. Too many men get stuck in them whether they are too busy or too lazy or simply just too comfortable in the routine of the relationship. To get the most out of this lifestyle requires effort. Do everything you can to keep casual dating fun. Try new things in the bedroom. Go to fun new places, and if things start getting boring, then get out!

What are your thoughts on casual dating? Any success stories you’d like to share? Let us know below.

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