How To Hookup Online

Letting em’ Down Easy

By: T. Jones

While adult dating can be lighthearted and fun, there will come a time when you’ll have to deal with rejection. It can be a really hard pill to swallow, but if you’re the one doing the rejecting, there are lots of ways to soften the blow.

Be honest.

While the goal is not to bruise the other person’s ego (too much), there’s a big difference between letting someone down easy and giving them false hope. Tell them outright you’re not into them instead of leaving them hanging with a response like “I’m too busy,” or “I’m seeing someone.” Responses like that make the other person think your lack of interest is merely due to circumstance, and many will take that as a sign they should keep checking in to see if your circumstances change in the future.

Be polite.

It takes a lot of courage to approach someone even if it is just online, so I always make it a point to be as polite as possible when telling someone I’m not interested. If the person was polite in their approach and took the time to read my profile, there really is no reason to be a jerk about saying “no.” While there really is no nice way to tell someone you don’t wanna date/hook-up with them, a “no thanks, but good luck in your search” is way better than a “no way, ew!”

Be constructive.

Some people really don’t understand what they’re doing wrong, so sometimes it’s best to just tell them outright. I once got an email from a perfectly nice guy who was clearly sending out form letters. Everything about him was great, but it seemed so impersonal I never bothered to respond until receiving the fifth (yep, fifth) version of the very same email from him. Instead of blocking him, I decided to reply and let him know his chances would be better if he skipped the long form letter and sent out a personalized, one-sentence introduction to his prospects instead. I was halfway expecting him to tell me to fuck off, but he instead thanked me for the advice because he was new to the site.

Know that some people will be mad at you anyway.

No matter how nice you are about it, some people will get angry (and in some cases lash out) regardless. Don’t let those few change the way you deal with everyone else, however. For every d-bag who calls me a bitch, there are ten nice guys who are just looking for a connection like everyone else.

Above all, remember dating should be fun, and it’s a whole lot more fun when people are nice to each other!

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